I'm getting a divorce, I'm in debt that'll take years to pay off, 'my' dog is missing/dead, and a few other pieces of my personal life are falling apart all at once...
...I don't know how much more I can take
Wednesday, April 25, 2012
Pass the purex...
This morning I saw a news story how kids are now drinking hand sanitizer as a substitute for alcohol. They are showing up in hospitals all over the country. They say downing one of these bad boys has the equivalent of a shot of 140 proof.
I have several questions on this matter and I have a feeling I won't get a smart answer for any of them. Where are the parents that don't notice little Jimmy just went through 4 bottles of purex in a day, I doubt he's a clean freak?
The stuff smells horrid let alone tastes good. Who the hell thought this was yummy and a good idea. I guess they have recipes for it to make it tolerable. What do they mix in it their juice boxes or something? OMG the stupidity!!!
Do what we all grew up doing. Ask an older family member, make older friends, pay some old guy/woman, or just fucking grow up. Getting "drunk" is only cool when you're 16. When you actually become of age it's just sad and pathetic. Wait a couple years and you won't be so hard up for a buzz.
And why are you desperate for a high? What did someone steal your animal cookies? Did you miss your naptime? These kids leave me with no hope for the future and an utter disappointment in mankind.
(Sigh) Next thing ya know it'll be kept behind a counter cuz some idiots again decided to smoke/eat/drink somethin not intended for consumption. I might rant some more on this...
Tuesday, April 17, 2012
Not a challenge
I always ask how can things get worse. Apparently this has been accepted as some kind of challenge by the forces of the universe. Anytime I ask this it does indeed get worse.
I was bumming this morning for reasons that are way too long to explain. The one person I think would cheer me up then asks me what the hell happened now because I'm always depressed. Obviously this helped none with my mood.
I get to work and 10 minutes in I broke open a gallon of milk. I have OCD people telling me how to bag and they are using their filthy cat hair lined save the world bags as usual. These little things are adding up and I am so irritated.
I was bumming this morning for reasons that are way too long to explain. The one person I think would cheer me up then asks me what the hell happened now because I'm always depressed. Obviously this helped none with my mood.
I get to work and 10 minutes in I broke open a gallon of milk. I have OCD people telling me how to bag and they are using their filthy cat hair lined save the world bags as usual. These little things are adding up and I am so irritated.
Monday, April 16, 2012
bottom of the bottle
It's one of those dips in my mood again, and the roller coaster continues. I pull myself up, you can see it in my posts. I may be bitching, but you can see my humor in there. The last few posts just have my feeling of sadness in them. I can tell when I read them again.
I try different things each time around. Nothing seems to relieve it much. I tend to destroy myself a little in the process. All in the name of my sanity, eh? I just feel so torn lately. I feel one way and think another. I can rationally think something out, then dam emotions get in the way. They in turn change my mind...but the emotions become confused and tangled. I wish I could write exactly how I feel, but it's hard for me to describe.
Feels like a few good friends which I rely on strongly have faded. Sure I know they are there, but it's like they can't even touch me while I'm in this haze. Picture yourself in a very dimly lit room filled with smoke. You can just make out the people as they pass within feet of you. You reach out asking for help and they look up as if they think they might have heard something, but are not sure. So they keep going. I can literally picture it in my head how it feels. Kinda haunting in a way...awful dreary.
Why don't I find the excitement in life like others do? I often wonder this, why they seem so cheery. Just as a friend told me they don't understand how I can be 'down' all the time, I don't understand how they can be 'up' all the time.
I try different things each time around. Nothing seems to relieve it much. I tend to destroy myself a little in the process. All in the name of my sanity, eh? I just feel so torn lately. I feel one way and think another. I can rationally think something out, then dam emotions get in the way. They in turn change my mind...but the emotions become confused and tangled. I wish I could write exactly how I feel, but it's hard for me to describe.
Feels like a few good friends which I rely on strongly have faded. Sure I know they are there, but it's like they can't even touch me while I'm in this haze. Picture yourself in a very dimly lit room filled with smoke. You can just make out the people as they pass within feet of you. You reach out asking for help and they look up as if they think they might have heard something, but are not sure. So they keep going. I can literally picture it in my head how it feels. Kinda haunting in a way...awful dreary.
Why don't I find the excitement in life like others do? I often wonder this, why they seem so cheery. Just as a friend told me they don't understand how I can be 'down' all the time, I don't understand how they can be 'up' all the time.
Sunday, April 15, 2012
Mind your own
Today has been an odd day in the store. It's busy, lines, people are in a hurry. So it's safe to say people are kinda moody and grouchy. And of course today seems to be crawling with creepers.
These creepers try anything from lame pick up lines to bribing you with alcohol at some party.
1. It's not working so stop
2. I'm legal age to drink, I don't need your creepy ass hookin me up with drinks
3. Please don't touch me under any circumstance
But seriously the bitchiness was at an all time high. My sister's kids were playing and yes getting a little loud. This is nothing new and compared to most they were mild. Yet this woman literally screamed at them to knock it the fuck off. Look lady, I deal with annoying kids all day, but under no right can you scream at other peoples' kids in the middle of the store.
I know we get the urge, but that's what blogging is for. Vent about it, push past it as just another day. I could not believe this woman. If I had been closer I would have yelled right back.
Thursday, April 12, 2012
bad bad bad night
I did it, it's all my fault. I use to rationalize it anyway I could. There is no lying to myself...I am the reason for all this pain. I am the reason for so much shit happening in peoples' lives around me. If I had never did what I did things would be how they should be. I sit here crying...not knowing what to do. Either choice has its downfall, its rewards, its compromise.
People say the answer is simple enough, what makes you happy? The thing is I don't know. Sure I have a general idea. I want what most want: happiness, health, stability, love, and the usual. But the means to come about it are completely foreign to me. Do I stay as I am being content? Do I take a step back and try to fix what I once thought was un-fixable? Or do I take a new route never taken before?
It gets very overwhelming too fast and I'd rather put it out of my mind. That doesn't solve the problem, I just keep pushing it back. It surfaces now and then in violent unpredictable waves. One minute I am fine...the next I want to cry until I pass out.
Sometimes I wonder if I had stayed home instead of going that day how different things would be...
People say the answer is simple enough, what makes you happy? The thing is I don't know. Sure I have a general idea. I want what most want: happiness, health, stability, love, and the usual. But the means to come about it are completely foreign to me. Do I stay as I am being content? Do I take a step back and try to fix what I once thought was un-fixable? Or do I take a new route never taken before?
It gets very overwhelming too fast and I'd rather put it out of my mind. That doesn't solve the problem, I just keep pushing it back. It surfaces now and then in violent unpredictable waves. One minute I am fine...the next I want to cry until I pass out.
Sometimes I wonder if I had stayed home instead of going that day how different things would be...
Tuesday, April 10, 2012
can I help you?
Anybody working the store knows this line well. Can I help you? It's the first thing we ask when you stand there looking lost or after several minutes of you staring at us. You expect us to read your mind, know exactly what you are asking, and what it is you are looking for. Being psychic was not a requirement to work here. We may need your assistance on this...use your words. Nothing too big, don't want you to hurt yourself.
A man walks up to service desk, the following starts with me:
"Good afternoon sir." He throws some hardware on the counter. "What can I do for ya?"...I get a blank stare. He shoves it toward me. "Are we returning or exchanging?"
"No."
This soon looks like a guessing game. After a round of 20 questions he was asking if we had anymore of them available, where to find them, and how much they are. Then he checks outs. To get all that information I had to ask single question after question to frickin get it out of him. Save us the time and just speak...most dogs can do so on command.
A man walks up to service desk, the following starts with me:
"Good afternoon sir." He throws some hardware on the counter. "What can I do for ya?"...I get a blank stare. He shoves it toward me. "Are we returning or exchanging?"
"No."
This soon looks like a guessing game. After a round of 20 questions he was asking if we had anymore of them available, where to find them, and how much they are. Then he checks outs. To get all that information I had to ask single question after question to frickin get it out of him. Save us the time and just speak...most dogs can do so on command.
In soviet Russia...
Apparently they read my blog O_O
I haven't looked at stats since I started this blog. It was my own personal journal. Then I shared it with only a couple friends. I post it on my Facebook every so often, but again that is just friends. I check the stats today and it says its been viewed from Russia, Sweden, Brazil, Turkey, and a few other random countries. Just an interesting thought is all...after all this is pretty much my diary.
I haven't looked at stats since I started this blog. It was my own personal journal. Then I shared it with only a couple friends. I post it on my Facebook every so often, but again that is just friends. I check the stats today and it says its been viewed from Russia, Sweden, Brazil, Turkey, and a few other random countries. Just an interesting thought is all...after all this is pretty much my diary.
customers please
due to popular demand i will make a list for customers to
follow at "the store":
1. if the "close" sign is out and light is off the lane IS CLOSED.
2. if we say "hello" and you ignore us, not because you're busy but because you're rude, we WILL crush your eggs and/or bread.
3. telling me i'm in a grouchy mood will not make me anymore friendlier to you (see end of 2 for results).
4. complaining about me is fine, because i will be complaining about you in the break room, fair is fair.
5. telling us you have MORE than 20 items does not make it ok to use express, thanks for the heads up that you can't read.
6. having the reusable bags are great for the earth yada yada, but please wash the cat hair out of them first before i put your food in them.
7. we have nothing to do with the scheduling and have no control over how many cash registers are open...yelling at us and calling us names does absolutely nothing to improve the situation.
8. It is NOT the cashiers fault that something is priced wrong.
9. when a check or card does not read it is NOT because we are stupid like you call us at that point, we'll just call it technical issues.
10. telling us that a competitor can do something better make us think "and why are you here?"...we'd be happy to give you directions to their location.
11. if we shut down just as you are walking up it was NOT INTENTIONAL to upset you, we did not spot you down the way and close up just to hear you cuss us out.
12. if you are talking on a phone we will not talk to you since you are in another conversation, don't call us rude or unfriendly.
13. if a item doesn't scan or it's missing a upc, saying "it must be free" isn't cute anymore, we hear it all too often. why would it be free?! how does this make sense!!??
14. control your kids...enough said.
15. we will gladly price match for you, just let us know before we are finished with your order!
16. I know it is getting pretty hot out there, but for crying out loud put clothes on that covers what we NEVER want to see!!
17. you can borow a pen no problem, but when we ask for it back don't act so clueless...just hand us the pen back and nobody gets hurt :)
18. if something is heavy, just leave it there we can come get it. otherwise we're both breaking our backs.
19. if you're not sure how to fill the check out GOOD NEWS, you don't even have to fill it out, hand us a blank one & you get it right back.
20. just because you are in a hurry does NOT give you permission to start slinging stuff past my scanner...let me do my job (and dont swicth the belt on and off for me, thats also my job).
21. pulling money out of your cleavage and handing it to us is just disgusting, have the decency to pull it out before approaching us at least.
22. when the register asks for an ID it is not an attempt for me to steal your idenity or find where you live...the dang computer needs it, dont fight it.
23. i don't know how some of you can ever get use to your own stench...but please hose yourself down before you enter the store...im tired of wanting to throw up anytime i breath when you're near.
24. it's winter out there...why are you wearing mini skirts and flip flops?! this just makes me think you're an idiot right off the bat.
25. we're pretty use to you hitting on us...it won't work...save both our times and stop before it gets creepy.
26. if you don't like the way i bag (i do take care to do it right btw) feel free to do it yourself, don't lecture me on how i'm doing it wrong and just stand there glaring at me.
27. if you want to speak to a manger we will gladly call one for you, no need to rant and rave at us which clearly solves nothing...this only prevents you from asking for us to call one up.
28. i know you're worried about watching prices ring up right, but for the love of all that is holy bring the cart up at least so we have somewhere for the bags to go, otherwise we are at a stand still...then you wonder why we aren't moving fast enough for you.
29. if you are late or in a hurry telling me to "shut up and do" my job will not get you out sooner...in fact i slow down :)
30. when you develope photos and on the ticket it says "pay for photos at the photo center", don't act so pissy when I tell you I can't ring them up front.
31. as I'm tryng to fill the bags you spin them away from me before they're full...hope you wanted a hundred bags more than needed.
32. we can't make change for you at our registers...it's just policy, no way we can help ya out...try service desk and stop ranting already.
33. we do NOT have every item memorized in the store nor can we recall any item's price off the top of our heads.
make up your mind
A man walks up with 4 reusable bags. He tells me to fill them up right up as full as I can get them. Apparently he underestimated my abilities to bag, because it all fit neatly in 1 bag. He then tells me he has 3 other bags I can use. -_- Sir did you want full or evenly distributed? So I unpack and spread them out among the remaining bags. They weren't even half full afterwards.
Monday, April 9, 2012
some things you don't know about me
or some that you do...I don't remember what I all tell people.
1. I HATE live versions of songs, they tweak em in a studio for a reason, they sound better. That and live versions always have fans screaming -_-
2. I am deathly afraid of spiders, like I almost ran into traffic before to avoid one.
3. My tastes in music range from Frank Sinatra and big swing bands all the way to Lamb of God and Korn, everything in between. There isn't much music I find that I won't listen to.
4. I can have a very dry and sometimes cruel sense of humor. I don't usually show the cruel side, but I don't even share an example for the fact I know I will offend.
5. I am allergic to cherries. It starts with a little puffiness...then full on scratchy swollen throat...ER anyone?
6. I often have bad anxiety which leads in severe cases to panic attacks. I don't remember how many times I have had one of these attacks to the point I will just pass out flat on the ground.
7. I am very indecisive, I will change my mind every few seconds-minutes on something.
8. I am a nice person (alright stop the laughing). I mean it, I'd do anything in the world for people. I can be one of the nicest people you will ever meet. Until you hurt me or are rude...then well...maybe I'm not so nice
9. I tend to start a hundred projects and never finish them. It takes a lot of my focus to just get it done. Think the only thing I have come close to completing all the way is school. Which brings me to...
10. I will graduate this year with an associates in business management and am going back right away to work on my bachelors. I hate school, why did I think this would be fun.
11. I took 3 years of German in school. I can read a decent amount and speak as much as I need to function. I am not fluent. But I still find it amusing to have a conversation not many can understand, everybody seems to take Spanish :P
12. I am strongly republican and I don't know why O_o
13. I love hunting, opening day of deer season might as well be a holiday for me.
14. I am a gamer, never have I gone without some kind of console. It started with original nintendo and almost every one since.
15. I have a daughter, Kaitlyn, she's almost 4 now.
16. Comedy is my absolute favorite thing. Movies, comedians, and anything else that makes me laugh.
1. I HATE live versions of songs, they tweak em in a studio for a reason, they sound better. That and live versions always have fans screaming -_-
2. I am deathly afraid of spiders, like I almost ran into traffic before to avoid one.
3. My tastes in music range from Frank Sinatra and big swing bands all the way to Lamb of God and Korn, everything in between. There isn't much music I find that I won't listen to.
4. I can have a very dry and sometimes cruel sense of humor. I don't usually show the cruel side, but I don't even share an example for the fact I know I will offend.
5. I am allergic to cherries. It starts with a little puffiness...then full on scratchy swollen throat...ER anyone?
6. I often have bad anxiety which leads in severe cases to panic attacks. I don't remember how many times I have had one of these attacks to the point I will just pass out flat on the ground.
7. I am very indecisive, I will change my mind every few seconds-minutes on something.
8. I am a nice person (alright stop the laughing). I mean it, I'd do anything in the world for people. I can be one of the nicest people you will ever meet. Until you hurt me or are rude...then well...maybe I'm not so nice
9. I tend to start a hundred projects and never finish them. It takes a lot of my focus to just get it done. Think the only thing I have come close to completing all the way is school. Which brings me to...
10. I will graduate this year with an associates in business management and am going back right away to work on my bachelors. I hate school, why did I think this would be fun.
11. I took 3 years of German in school. I can read a decent amount and speak as much as I need to function. I am not fluent. But I still find it amusing to have a conversation not many can understand, everybody seems to take Spanish :P
12. I am strongly republican and I don't know why O_o
13. I love hunting, opening day of deer season might as well be a holiday for me.
14. I am a gamer, never have I gone without some kind of console. It started with original nintendo and almost every one since.
15. I have a daughter, Kaitlyn, she's almost 4 now.
16. Comedy is my absolute favorite thing. Movies, comedians, and anything else that makes me laugh.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
can you feel the love tonight
Well no, not really. I am sitting alone and wide awake downstairs. I work in the morning again and should be getting tons of needed sleep. Instead I feel the weird need to just keep writing. I'm reflecting on the past few days and people have been bitchy as ever lately. I'm feeling lonely and down, gonna keep writing. I think I'm going to re-post something I wrote a while ago. Nobody is going to like it, but it just works for me alright...
i wanna scream
i wanna cry
i wanna drink
i wanna die...
stop the memories
stop the pain
just make it all
go away...
of course i lie
i say im fine
why go on
just wasting time...
all up in my business
This Easter week has been hell at the store. It has been so dam busy, non stop lines, and people are easily getting grouchy. Two days ago it was still this typical rush. I didn't mind so much, it makes the day go fast. Half way through my shift I get to these 2 black women. They are nice enough, asking how my day was and if I had plans for Easter. Of course there is a line behind them as I finish their order and they are just grabbing the last few bags. An elderly man (in the 80's I'd say) takes a few steps forward and leans over the card reader.
"Oh you can wait just like anybody else. Stand there givin me that look. You ain't got no where to be in that much of a hurry. Don't you be rushin me."
In his shaky old voice, "ma'am? pardon?"
"You heard me, givin me that look. You can just sit right back there where you were and wait. It's because of people like you holidays get ruined. Can't wait your own dam turn."
Still shaky as ever voice, "Excuse me ma'am I don't know what you're talking about? I'm just moving because I'm in pain"
The stupid woman keeps going on in a rant now about how he was rushing her out of the way and giving her "that look". Okay at this point lady I really AM giving you that look. He wasn't "up in your goodies". You are about to start a fight because you thought some old guy was crowding you?! This wasn't just a "you sure are rude mister". This was full on, "let me take my rings off, I'm gon beat grandpa's ass".
This old man sincerely had no idea what she was talking about. I told the women they were all set and to have a nice day, she walked away still bitching. I came straight back to the old man telling him he was just fine and asked if he needed anything.
He said he was fine, but still didn't understand what went on. Said he simply had a bad leg, hence the cane, and had to take some steps to relieve the pain a bit. His wife asked me after the order if he had done something wrong she didn't notice. Told her he didn't do anything wrong. I apologized and truly wished them a better Easter.
People these days...
"Oh you can wait just like anybody else. Stand there givin me that look. You ain't got no where to be in that much of a hurry. Don't you be rushin me."
In his shaky old voice, "ma'am? pardon?"
"You heard me, givin me that look. You can just sit right back there where you were and wait. It's because of people like you holidays get ruined. Can't wait your own dam turn."
Still shaky as ever voice, "Excuse me ma'am I don't know what you're talking about? I'm just moving because I'm in pain"
The stupid woman keeps going on in a rant now about how he was rushing her out of the way and giving her "that look". Okay at this point lady I really AM giving you that look. He wasn't "up in your goodies". You are about to start a fight because you thought some old guy was crowding you?! This wasn't just a "you sure are rude mister". This was full on, "let me take my rings off, I'm gon beat grandpa's ass".
This old man sincerely had no idea what she was talking about. I told the women they were all set and to have a nice day, she walked away still bitching. I came straight back to the old man telling him he was just fine and asked if he needed anything.
He said he was fine, but still didn't understand what went on. Said he simply had a bad leg, hence the cane, and had to take some steps to relieve the pain a bit. His wife asked me after the order if he had done something wrong she didn't notice. Told her he didn't do anything wrong. I apologized and truly wished them a better Easter.
People these days...
twist the truth til you feel better
I'm watching this episode of COPS and this chick is busted for her man having pot. He had it on his possession and she was in the car with him, knowing he had it. So according to that state she went to jail right along with him. Of course they do an interview...and she tries to rationalize it all to the police why she should be let go free and clear.
"I'm my own person, it wasn't on me. He can do whatever he wants to do with his life. That's up to him."
"But you told us you got in the car knowing he had it and was smoking it. It's still illegal, you knew about it, and you both were caught while he had it still on him."
"I don't make his decisions in life. Besides I want to be part of homeland security one day. Do you think I'd be doing that stuff?"
"Ma'am do you think Homeland Security would let people do that because it's their life and decisions to make? If you're going to do something like that you need to keep your background clean and getting arrested with people having drugs won't make that happen."
"I'm sure you being a cop don't have a clean background either. Look at what you people have done before and now you're pulling this on innocent people like me."
Listen here girly, your bitch ass knew it was on him and it's illegal. Simple as that. He gets busted and so do you for not telling him to get it the fuck out of the car. It isn't that hard of an idea to understand. The fact you try to squirm your way out by saying "he does it not me", don't mean shit. You knew it was wrong...face the shit that happens. Don't try to bullshit out of it and try throwing dirt on the people arresting ya. I guarantee by the looks of ya alone this wasn't your first arrest. In fact they just confirmed it with your background check.
You're an idiot...go "not" smoke another one and pretend to know what you're talking about. Excuses, excuses...
"I'm my own person, it wasn't on me. He can do whatever he wants to do with his life. That's up to him."
"But you told us you got in the car knowing he had it and was smoking it. It's still illegal, you knew about it, and you both were caught while he had it still on him."
"I don't make his decisions in life. Besides I want to be part of homeland security one day. Do you think I'd be doing that stuff?"
"Ma'am do you think Homeland Security would let people do that because it's their life and decisions to make? If you're going to do something like that you need to keep your background clean and getting arrested with people having drugs won't make that happen."
"I'm sure you being a cop don't have a clean background either. Look at what you people have done before and now you're pulling this on innocent people like me."
Listen here girly, your bitch ass knew it was on him and it's illegal. Simple as that. He gets busted and so do you for not telling him to get it the fuck out of the car. It isn't that hard of an idea to understand. The fact you try to squirm your way out by saying "he does it not me", don't mean shit. You knew it was wrong...face the shit that happens. Don't try to bullshit out of it and try throwing dirt on the people arresting ya. I guarantee by the looks of ya alone this wasn't your first arrest. In fact they just confirmed it with your background check.
You're an idiot...go "not" smoke another one and pretend to know what you're talking about. Excuses, excuses...
Friday, April 6, 2012
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