oh no you didn't

I've been playing some music while I write tonight and this song comes on "oh no you didn't" by Wojahn Brothers. Very catchy tune and also a theme song to a game, but anyway, it made me think of times I have uttered that phrase at work. Here's a few examples:

1. Throw stuff on the belt then tell me you have no money

             *oh no you didn't*

2. Tell me to bag faster, then say I'm not bagging neat enough

             *oh no you didn't*

3. Tell me you want less bags and yet insist I double/triple bag everything

             *oh no you didn't*

4. Argue with your friends over who pays

             *oh no you didn't*

5. Tell me you'll come back later to talk to someone else because I denied you

             *oh no you didn't*

6. Hand me money, come up short, then argue that I did it somehow

             *oh no you didn't*

7. Tell me to cash your check, refuse to enter social security number

             *oh no you didn't*

8. Yelling for management the second I tell you something is a no-go

             *oh no you didn't*

9. Kid is about to fall out of cart, ask them to have their kid sit back down...tells me to mind my own business

             *oh no you didn't*

10. Ask if I want a full body massage -_-

             *oh no you didn't* (or more like "WTF")

I'd do anything...but I won't do that

Now I hear all the time about how the lines are so long at the store. People always bark at us to open more registers. Look people, I’m a cashier. Does it say "manager" anywhere on my badge? No? Well then guess what, I have no power what so ever. I scan your items and pack them in a bag. You hand me money. That is the extent of my capabilities. Well I am capable of doing more, lets not sell us cashiers short. This is the extent of what we are ALLOWED to do. Anyway, considering how I was red lining while I saw people waiting in lines a few registers away, I tried to flag some people in. Suddenly I hear a supervisor being called over to a woman, she wants to know why there are not more lanes open and tells her that she should just hop on to serve her. That’s not how it works lady, wait in line like everyone else. Better yet, I am doing absolutely nothing so go through MY EMPTY lane.

I wave her down and say I have no waiting. What does she do? “I am NOT walking all the way over there. I have things to do and I am not wasting anymore time in these ridiculous lines. I should not have to walk down there to a different register”. So let me get this straight, you want more registers, but they have to all be shoved in one corner so you don’t have to walk a few yards away? So everybody else on the other side of the store must walk even farther to the one side being serviced? I was in the middle. It was fair to everyone. This bitch was just lazy. Fuck you lady, lines are open, you just wanna be special. Sure enough the supervisor jumped on a register and helped her -_- Don’t bitch about lines just because you don’t want to walk down to an open one.

~*it's magic*~

Nothing I love more than customers who think they are outsmarting the system. Oh yes plenty try and fail miserably, yet it is amusing enough to banter. My favorite is when they bring something in and I tell them the item is past its return date. We give you people 90 days on most merchandise...this should be sufficient enough to decide whether or not you want to keep that dam $25 blender. Anyway, they usually have the sad puppy look like, "aw really?? <sniffles>" and management comes up and overrides it for them. This works and if you're polite about it I don't always mind this. Now...when you ask me, "What if I never showed you the receipt? How would you know?." Correct, I wouldn't know, but you did just show it to me. So next it's, "What if I just rip this up? No receipt, so then what? Ha!" Except I just read the date and handed it back to you, go ahead and rip it up. "So I can just come back later without the receipt and get my money when you're not here!" Well see I inform people you plan on doing this, I write it in the communication log, and then I leave a note posted right at the desk. Not to mention depending on item and policy...you may not even see cash back, could be store credit. So try as you may, you're not getting cash from me or anybody else at this desk. Yet these people are still focused on hiding the dam receipt. Like it's a magic trick I'm suppose to be shocked with...and it disappears..."ooooooo". Better luck next time chump. Keep the receipt, watch the date, and make up your mind on products sometime sooner than 3 months later.

Listen up

Today is already a crappy day and you customers sure know how to ice the dam cake. I'm trying to bag this couples food when their kid starts spinning to bags. He says he's helping but stuff is now falling off the thing and I can't get anymore in bags. I had enough by this point and was literally tossing items at bags. "That one missed, so did that one, oh look one actually made it". Not once did they try to stop this kid. I gave up.

And for people talking shit about my boyfriend to my face...did you really think that would fly? The world has gone mad...people are insanely stupid.