oh no you didn't

I've been playing some music while I write tonight and this song comes on "oh no you didn't" by Wojahn Brothers. Very catchy tune and also a theme song to a game, but anyway, it made me think of times I have uttered that phrase at work. Here's a few examples:

1. Throw stuff on the belt then tell me you have no money

             *oh no you didn't*

2. Tell me to bag faster, then say I'm not bagging neat enough

             *oh no you didn't*

3. Tell me you want less bags and yet insist I double/triple bag everything

             *oh no you didn't*

4. Argue with your friends over who pays

             *oh no you didn't*

5. Tell me you'll come back later to talk to someone else because I denied you

             *oh no you didn't*

6. Hand me money, come up short, then argue that I did it somehow

             *oh no you didn't*

7. Tell me to cash your check, refuse to enter social security number

             *oh no you didn't*

8. Yelling for management the second I tell you something is a no-go

             *oh no you didn't*

9. Kid is about to fall out of cart, ask them to have their kid sit back down...tells me to mind my own business

             *oh no you didn't*

10. Ask if I want a full body massage -_-

             *oh no you didn't* (or more like "WTF")

I'd do anything...but I won't do that

Now I hear all the time about how the lines are so long at the store. People always bark at us to open more registers. Look people, I’m a cashier. Does it say "manager" anywhere on my badge? No? Well then guess what, I have no power what so ever. I scan your items and pack them in a bag. You hand me money. That is the extent of my capabilities. Well I am capable of doing more, lets not sell us cashiers short. This is the extent of what we are ALLOWED to do. Anyway, considering how I was red lining while I saw people waiting in lines a few registers away, I tried to flag some people in. Suddenly I hear a supervisor being called over to a woman, she wants to know why there are not more lanes open and tells her that she should just hop on to serve her. That’s not how it works lady, wait in line like everyone else. Better yet, I am doing absolutely nothing so go through MY EMPTY lane.

I wave her down and say I have no waiting. What does she do? “I am NOT walking all the way over there. I have things to do and I am not wasting anymore time in these ridiculous lines. I should not have to walk down there to a different register”. So let me get this straight, you want more registers, but they have to all be shoved in one corner so you don’t have to walk a few yards away? So everybody else on the other side of the store must walk even farther to the one side being serviced? I was in the middle. It was fair to everyone. This bitch was just lazy. Fuck you lady, lines are open, you just wanna be special. Sure enough the supervisor jumped on a register and helped her -_- Don’t bitch about lines just because you don’t want to walk down to an open one.

~*it's magic*~

Nothing I love more than customers who think they are outsmarting the system. Oh yes plenty try and fail miserably, yet it is amusing enough to banter. My favorite is when they bring something in and I tell them the item is past its return date. We give you people 90 days on most merchandise...this should be sufficient enough to decide whether or not you want to keep that dam $25 blender. Anyway, they usually have the sad puppy look like, "aw really?? <sniffles>" and management comes up and overrides it for them. This works and if you're polite about it I don't always mind this. Now...when you ask me, "What if I never showed you the receipt? How would you know?." Correct, I wouldn't know, but you did just show it to me. So next it's, "What if I just rip this up? No receipt, so then what? Ha!" Except I just read the date and handed it back to you, go ahead and rip it up. "So I can just come back later without the receipt and get my money when you're not here!" Well see I inform people you plan on doing this, I write it in the communication log, and then I leave a note posted right at the desk. Not to mention depending on item and policy...you may not even see cash back, could be store credit. So try as you may, you're not getting cash from me or anybody else at this desk. Yet these people are still focused on hiding the dam receipt. Like it's a magic trick I'm suppose to be shocked with...and it disappears..."ooooooo". Better luck next time chump. Keep the receipt, watch the date, and make up your mind on products sometime sooner than 3 months later.

Listen up

Today is already a crappy day and you customers sure know how to ice the dam cake. I'm trying to bag this couples food when their kid starts spinning to bags. He says he's helping but stuff is now falling off the thing and I can't get anymore in bags. I had enough by this point and was literally tossing items at bags. "That one missed, so did that one, oh look one actually made it". Not once did they try to stop this kid. I gave up.

And for people talking shit about my boyfriend to my face...did you really think that would fly? The world has gone mad...people are insanely stupid.

To Bag or Not To Bag

It has been a long time since I wrote a blog, but yet again I found inspiration today I could not ignore. I find it quite amusing to ask a simple question everyday at work, “did you want your milk in a bag?” Now there are plenty of people who answer quick enough “yup” or “nope”. These people don’t make this question amusing. The following people do however…

1. The Thinker: This is the person who looks as if you just asked them what the meaning of life is. It is almost unbearable to watch the distortion on their faces. You can literally see them thinking it through. Looks rather painful if you ask me, I just want an answer already. Move it along Einstein.
2. It’s Up To You: This person has just had it with making their own decisions in life. They want you to figure it out and just do it how you see fit. However, this doesn’t lead to much fun. I usually reply with, “Well it really is up to you, did you want it bagged or no?”. This often leads back to number one on the list : )
3. The Absurd: I do not know why some people are this passionate about the question, yet here they are. I ask and they reply as if I asked them whether or not they want me to defecate on their front lawn. “No bag, its got a handle for a reason!”. The look on their face says they are appalled I asked such a question. These people must be mental in some way. Bipolar, yeah that’s it.
4. Bomb Squad: Now you ask a question and they answer (or try to answer) as if they have 20 seconds to defuse a bomb blindfolded while do cartwheels. They either go back and forth, “Yes a bag in case it leaks, well no I don’t want more bags, but the car is messy and don’t need it on the milk, but the bag will rip anyway, but it will make it easier to carry...”etc. It’s like they are arguing with themselves all while looking panicked to give me an answer in time. These have to be one of my favorite.
5. The Rationalists: These people can give me an answer quick enough and stick to it, but they feel the need to inform me as to why it should be that way…for all milks apparently. “No bag for me, it has a handle and that is why it was put there…”etc. “Yes a bag so it won’t leak and is easier to carry…”etc. They then continue the rest of the order informing me of proper milk bagging or lack there of. These people seem obsessive…the most annoying I think.

it's been a while...

...where should I begin. Waiting for things to go back to normal. For the past 3 weeks it feels like my life has been turned upside down. I don't even feel like me anymore. Part of me likes this and thinks it's a good thing. I can finally relax and be me. No pretending or trying to be perfect in the eyes of others. I am who I am, and I do, well, what I do. Simple as that. Now I'm not saying I've been going wild, getting plastered, and swinging from chandeliers. I'm just saying I can act as I normally would without giving thought to others judging me. This has made me quite happy. On the other hand, some people have not liked this. They say I've changed or do not take them into consideration. Sorry to say this is just me coming out to play for a bit. By the end of the week things will go back to normal and once again I will be shut away. For how long, who knows...

who? what? where? how? why?

In the past week or so, some stuff has been happening. I have lost friends, hurt those close to me, in debt beyond belief, angry/crying, and somehow with all this happening I find myself staying with friends. I may not have moved in, but I have been here 2 nights now. I have been hanging here almost everyday. I find it odd at times, thinking at any minute they will turn. Not that I think bad of them, just that after so much shit I figure the usual will happen. They will turn me out just as fast as they brought me in.

So much time has passed though, and they still want me around? lol...I'm afraid to slip up. After making such unbelievable friends I want to try to earn their friendship more than ever. It's weird how one week you feel so alone, then in a blink of an eye you feel like family. :) Because of these people I am truly happier than I have been in a long time. For that I thank them.