customers please

due to popular demand i will make a list for customers to 

follow at "the store":

1. if the "close" sign is out and light is off the lane IS CLOSED.

2. if we say "hello" and you ignore us, not because you're busy but because you're rude, we WILL crush your eggs and/or bread.

3. telling me i'm in a grouchy mood will not make me anymore friendlier to you (see end of 2 for results).

4. complaining about me is fine, because i will be complaining about you in the break room, fair is fair.

5. telling us you have MORE than 20 items does not make it ok to use express, thanks for the heads up that you can't read.

6. having the reusable bags are great for the earth yada yada, but please wash the cat hair out of them first before i put your food in them.

7. we have nothing to do with the scheduling and have no control over how many cash registers are open...yelling at us and calling us names does absolutely nothing to improve the situation.

8. It is NOT the cashiers fault that something is priced wrong.

9. when a check or card does not read it is NOT because we are stupid like you call us at that point, we'll just call it technical issues.

10. telling us that a competitor can do something better make us think "and why are you here?"...we'd be happy to give you directions to their location.

11. if we shut down just as you are walking up it was NOT INTENTIONAL to upset you, we did not spot you down the way and close up just to hear you cuss us out.

12. if you are talking on a phone we will not talk to you since you are in another conversation, don't call us rude or unfriendly.

13. if a item doesn't scan or it's missing a upc, saying "it must be free" isn't cute anymore, we hear it all too often. why would it be free?! how does this make sense!!??

14. control your kids...enough said.

15. we will gladly price match for you, just let us know before we are finished with your order!

16. I know it is getting pretty hot out there, but for crying out loud put clothes on that covers what we NEVER want to see!!

17. you can borow a pen no problem, but when we ask for it back don't act so clueless...just hand us the pen back and nobody gets hurt :)

18. if something is heavy, just leave it there we can come get it. otherwise we're both breaking our backs.

19. if you're not sure how to fill the check out GOOD NEWS, you don't even have to fill it out, hand us a blank one & you get it right back.

20. just because you are in a hurry does NOT give you permission to start slinging stuff past my scanner...let me do my job (and dont swicth the belt on and off for me, thats also my job).

21. pulling money out of your cleavage and handing it to us is just disgusting, have the decency to pull it out before approaching us at least.

22. when the register asks for an ID it is not an attempt for me to steal your idenity or find where you live...the dang computer needs it, dont fight it.

23. i don't know how some of you can ever get use to your own stench...but please hose yourself down before you enter the store...im tired of wanting to throw up anytime i breath when you're near.

24. it's winter out there...why are you wearing mini skirts and flip flops?! this just makes me think you're an idiot right off the bat.

25. we're pretty use to you hitting on us...it won't work...save both our times and stop before it gets creepy.

26. if you don't like the way i bag (i do take care to do it right btw) feel free to do it yourself, don't lecture me on how i'm doing it wrong and just stand there glaring at me.

27. if you want to speak to a manger we will gladly call one for you, no need to rant and rave at us which clearly solves nothing...this only prevents you from asking for us to call one up.

28. i know you're worried about watching prices ring up right, but for the love of all that is holy bring the cart up at least so we have somewhere for the bags to go, otherwise we are at a stand still...then you wonder why we aren't moving fast enough for you.

29. if you are late or in a hurry telling me to "shut up and do" my job will not get you out sooner...in fact i slow down :)

30. when you develope photos and on the ticket it says "pay for photos at the photo center", don't act so pissy when I tell you I can't ring them up front.

31. as I'm tryng to fill the bags you spin them away from me before they're full...hope you wanted a hundred bags more than needed.

32. we can't make change for you at our registers...it's just policy, no way we can help ya out...try service desk and stop ranting already.

33. we do NOT have every item memorized in the store nor can we recall any item's price off the top of our heads.